Reach Out to Someone

I have seen to many friends of friends and my friends family member commit suicide this year. It breaks my heart to pieces.

I sit here and wonder how life could be so bad that they do the most final thing they can do. I mean, you cant take back suicide. They must be in such a dark lonely state to do it. Which then makes me wonder, did they show anyone signs. Did they try to reach out?

Some people seem happy, seem ok, and dont reach out to anyone, no one knew it was coming. No one could have reached out.

The only thing I can offer is to be kind to everyone. Smile at everyone. Say hi to everyone. Even someone you pass at the store. Someone you dont know. They may be so depressed, that they have thoughts of suicide, but your simple smile or hello shows them that people in the world do care.

And it may not be that simple too.

I dont know.

I am praying for those you have lost loved ones to suicide. It breaks my heart.

I am not business material

So Matthew said that I am not business material. What he means by that is that I am not hard nosed enough to have a successful money making business. I have the talent, but I like to give more than I like to charge.

I find much more joy doing a photo session for a sweet family for free than charging them an arm and a leg to do their pictures. I enjoy crocheting things for people as gifts much more than i enjoy taking custom orders for people.


I am THANKFUL that I make money with my crochet and pictures, I am blessed, but could never make a full time job out of either. I lose the love for it that way. Never again will I let that happen.

I have been so busy this year making people hats, and making baby shower gifts and that sort of thing.

Anyways..... I am thankful that Matthew works so hard so that I dont have to go and get a full time job too. I am thankful to get to be my kids mom all the time and stay home with Hannah, and be home right when Trevor gets out of school and spend time with him. I am thankful that I also have time to do some hobbies that I love.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Well let’s start this year with Trevor!
Trevor started Kindergarten this year. We had every intention of homeschooling but really felt the Lord leading us to public school, so I nervously obeyed. It was the best decision we could have ever made. He LOVES school. If he is sick, he gets upset with me that he has to miss a day. His teacher Mr. Hall is AMAZING!!!! He is the best teacher I have encountered yet. Trevor was nervous at the start of school; he would not talk to Mr. Hall or answer questions. Now he talks and answers question, Mr. Hall said Trevor is the first one to raise his hand to answer now and that he always has the right answer. I know it’s just kindergarten but he is scoring all 100’s on his homework and on his report cards and testing. He is one smart cookie!

Hannah had to adjust to life without Trevor during the day. We go to the gym, which is her favorite thing, and we play here at home and work on some “school” during the day. She is picking up on a lot of Trevor’s sight words and stuff that we work on with him. She is sassy sassy sassy too! She is such a tomboy and so girlie at the same time. She LOVES dresses and would gladly pass up getting toys if she could get a new dress. She also LOVES to play trucks. She is such a love and has an endless supply of hugs and kisses. She is very shy but give her 10 minutes tops with you and she will not be able to shut her words off. Talk talk talk .

Matthew……. Hmmm…… What to say about Mr. Todd. He is AMAZING! I love this man more and more each day. He is still working hard at Todd Piano Works and doing great! He is also teaching piano now and has a good amount of students. He also plays the piano at a church on Sundays and Wednesdays. So basically anything to do with pianos, he does it. Little known fact, he is also really good with woodworking. It is his hobby in the winter here when it is colder. He built Trevor a train table to Christmas and it is very cool! This year Matthew lost his dad to pancreatic cancer. It broke my heart to see my husband’s heart broken. We were just so thankful for all the prayers of our friends and family because the peace we felt and still feel over losing George is too great for words. God really gave us His peace that passes all understanding. We are thankful that George is now with Jesus and no longer suffering. Though he died way too young, he loved Jesus and he we know we will see him again.

Now me. I don’t like to talk about myself. I am mommy, wife, housekeeper, chef……and on and on. I love it and I am so thankful that Matthew is willing to work so hard so that I can stay home and keep up the house and raise our kids. It is such a blessing to me to not have to put our kids in daycare. I love it. I also have gracefully bowed out of having a photography business. I still do pictures for friends and sometime their friends, but I was losing the joy and love for photography doing it as a business. I am keeping it a hobby, and finally I LOVE doing it again. It is one of my passions. I also crochet and make hats for people. It is really fun and I have gotten kind of good at it.

We have been going to www.newhopechurch.tv for going on 2 years now. I remember the first time we went there; it was so huge, I was nervous, and then we walked in and people helped us out, showed us where to go and were so kind. The blessing for me was this: when we first went there were 3 photographers there that took a lot of the church pictures, and I thought that I wouldn’t have a place there with my pictures……boy was I wrong!! I now do all of the baptism pictures each week. There are baptisms just about every week! Anyways I take pictures of each person getting baptized and then upload them to the net for them to download. I also do pictures of volunteers and church functions. It’s really fun!
Anyways, the church is amazing, the people are fantastic and the music and message are always on point. They are current, and you walk away each week changed. The care groups are also very awesome!


We LOVE our church and that is a great blessing to us this year and every year.


We hope that everyone has an amazing Christmas, and remember why we celebrate. Love to everyone from the Todd Clan.




I left out the most important part!! Matthew and I got baptized this year at New Hope Church, and we were baptized together! It was such a great day! New Hope has really been a life changer for us. God is so good!

Wow

I havent not posted a blog in a while. Ya know why? Because every waking moment has been filled with kids, hubby, house and crochet. I am a bit overwhelmed but I am thankful that God is blessing my hobby so much! It is exciting and tiring.

I am enjoying coming up with new items to make too.

Trevor seems to be still doing great at school, getting 100% on everything he brings home. Smarty Pants. I am just thankful he loves school. I hope it never leaves him.

Hannah.... well she is sassy and sweet. I cant wait for her to be in school because I know she is a bit bored with me all day.

We are excited for Christmas coming up!!

Oh yeah and my dad is coming to visit in March!! First time my dad and sisters will have been here to see us, so I am VERY excited about that! Also excited that they will get to go to church with us too :-D Since my church is so rad :-D

Bullies

Bullies suck!


I hate the fact that my son is in kindergarten and he is getting bullied. I mean come on, you are FIVE years old little boy, you are not supposed to bully.

When I was 5 everyone got along with everyone.

I vowed that if Trevor got bullied and it wasn't stopped by the school that we would homeschool.

Mr. Hall is jumping right on it though and taking steps to ensure that this will be over. He is the BEST teacher that I have ever seen. He is sharp and on the ball, he does not tolerate any kind of picking on or bullying.

I want to be mad at the kid and I want to tell Trevor to punch the kid in the face but I know that is not the answer. The issue most always stems from the parents. Either they are not there for the kid or they work too much or something. There is some reason that he feels the need to pick on my sweet son.
It is not horrible bullying but if this kid doesn't get stopped now while he is 5/6 it will only get worse as he gets older.

Trevor

Little T-Man is being screened for the gifted and talented program at his school!

We have to fill out a sheet today and then they are meeting this week and then we will find out if they feel that is where he belongs.

I don't know what it entails, just happy to have a smart little man!

He is so smart, yet he doesn't want to do homework. Typical kid right :-)

He would rather spend his day picking on Hannah.

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving!

I am so thankful that God has blessed me so much.

Today couldn't have been more perfect.

Woke up, french toast for breakfast, we decorated the Christmas Tree, watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade and started cooking!!

We had turkey, green bean casserole, broccoli casserole, sweet potatoes and apples, fruit salad, mashed potatoes and gravy, baked beans and little smokies, and I think thats it. Anyways it was so good and I am so full!!!

Thanksgiving

I have been posting on facebook every day what I am thankful for.


I really like doing this because I run out of stuff and start thinking of the small silly things that I am really thankful for too. Like coffee and taste buds.


I have also been thinking about all the trials in my life. I am actually thankful for them too.
Difficult childhood has taught me a lot. I am a good mom and wife to my family and I will bend over backwards in order for them to have the best life possible. I want them to have every chance to do good in this life and I want them to look back and have happy childhood memories.

Drug/alcohol/partying/fighting/etc also taught me a lot. Now I dont think anyone should do the horrid things I did. I could have died many many times, but God saw my future and kept me safe. He obviously has some plans for me. I put myself in harms way too many times. I had an addiction that I could not stop that spiraled me down in to a DEEP depression. At one point I thought that I might as well die. Thank GOD I didnt.
When I finally cried out to God, no I screamed out to Him, and really just gave up on myself and threw myself on to Him, He delivered me from the addictions. It was like one day I was addicted and the next I did not have a desire to do any of those things I was just addicted to.

Losing my grandpa was also a huge trial that brought me back to church. For that I am thankful. I was sad that it took him dying to get me back to church but he would have been so happy to know that I got back to church.

Losing my son was my hell. It was the WORST time in my life. It was also the best. The worst because my son died. I gave birth to him at home. I held my lifeless tiny sweet baby. It was horrid. The best because God was there. He held me in my tears and sorrow. He gave me peace. He wiped my tears. I was able to draw closer to Him in such a tragic time.

Then the church trama! Oh what fun. I wont even get in to that, but lets just say I was one step away from never going to church again, and then God let me know with a thump upside the head that I didnt go to church for people I went to church for Him. And then He blessed us with finding New Hope Church and our lives changed dramatically after that.

The most recent trial was losing Matthews dad to pancreatic cancer. The most awful cancer there is. It broke my heart to pieces to know how bad he was fighting and hurting and suffering.... you want to just simply ask God WHY! WHY! WHY! But through it all George never really complained, he let his wife care for him, he fought and fought until Janice finally said it was ok for him to go. He went soon after that. He clung to God, he looked forward to Heaven and he had a peace about him that was beautiful.

So my point in all of this is no matter what trial you are going through, you can pull something good out of it. Even if it is something small, it will make the trial seem a little less horrible if you cling to that one good thing.

Through all my junk I have clung to the fact that I have helped people that I would not have been able to help had I not gone through that trial, I have become a much stronger more confident person, I have grown leaps and bounds closer to Jesus, and on and on the good things roll. I am thankful for every day and every second of the life God has given me, everything in the past and everything thats to come.

2nd 9 weeks progress Report

So on Trevor's progress report he got

100 in Language Arts and Reading
100 in Math
E in Science/Social Studies
E in Conduct



With the comment:
"Trevor is a great guy! He is always willing to participate and answers are always on target. =)"

I'm a proud momma!

I hate bad dreams!!

I had a dream last night that Hannah got kidnapped and the person kept hiding her in our house, which was this huge house, and we couldnt find her. It was so real and so scary. I hate having bad dreams


The part that freaks me out the most is that I have had bad dreams about this same house for years. I dont know what it is or why but this same house has been in my dreams for a ong time and I do not like it!! It has nothing but bad associated with it in my dreams.


Oiy. Off for some coffee now in hopes to forget about this dream.

..............................

I have just got nothing to blog about.

I have so many thoughts and want to spew them all out but dont know where to start!

Maybe tomorrow........................

Trevor's Report Card Comments!

Here is the comments left on his report card :-)

Im one happy momma :-)


" Trevor has made great progress during this grading period. Trevor always has a positive attitude towards learning. It is a delight to have him in my class this year. He is a very intelligent student; this is evident through the depth of thought he puts forward in his work. I can clearly see that he loves learning, my class, and school. Trevor is always willing to offer assistance to others in our class. Trevor is a very dependable, responsible, and trustworthy student who always strives towards excellence. Trevor has made the A Honor Roll for this grading period. "



He got 100 on all of his tests and Excellent in all his classes :-)

Yes I am bragging ;-)

Coupons!

I highly suggest everyone use coupons!

If you dont, it is like throwing money away.

I save a small amount, with minimal effort on my part. I buy what I usually buy each week, only now I use coupons and save $20-50 each week!

Basically my couponing is paying our gym membership. How cool is that!!

It takes such a small effort to save money!

I get a paper each Sunday, sometimes I get a few papers, I cut the coupons and organize them in a binder in baseball card plastic inserts. That way I know what I have. I bring that binder everywhere and always use the coupons!

Which Animal?

Trevor wants a turtle.

Hannah wants a girl cat.

Hmmmmmmmmm.

If we get a small turtle we may be able to put him in the tank we already have, and they are so cute!
If we get a girl cat, it may be good, or it could be bad. I just dont know how Hector will act with another of his kind.

So we may go to the pet store and just browse this weekend.

Family

I wish we had family that lived closer to us!!

Trevor and Hannah had so much fun with family when we went up for Georges service.
They LOVE their cousins.

Hannah LOVES uncle Frank! But when she hugs him he has to cover his mustache. It is so funny!

I am thankful for friends here that have become "family" to us, but to have blood family here would be nice. Anyways I guess we will have to keep saving $ to take more trips to see them!

I am thankful all around today, thankful and blessed.

Pancreatic Cancer Awareness Month

NOVEMBER is Pancreatic Cancer Awareness Month.

The symptoms of this cancer usually dont show until it is too late.

Symptoms are typically abdominal pain, weight loss and jaundice. Most dont cath this cancer until it is in the later stages and a cure is not out there.


We need to do all that we can to raise awareness for this horiffic cancer.

Allergies

I am wondering if I have food allergies.

I am feeling miserable.

I have been doing a lot of reading, and I may try cutting dairy out of my diet. I should try dairy, soy, wheat, and corn but I dont know if I can cut out all of those. Baby steps right.... dairy will be hard enough.

Tonite I have shrimp and avacado for dinner.





I have a lung infection and sinus infection..... got this last year too..........








Anyone have any tips on eating healthier???

Wow!

I was on the laptop that Matthews dad used, I was trying to get some pics off Janices camera, and well his laptop is messed up. It wouldnt open anything.

I managed to get some files off his computer though, probably not all of them but I wanted to recover some incase the computer had to be wiped out or something.

anyways I got some journals of his and loads of bible studies and things that he did. Also tons of music!

It is really nice to sit and read the bible studies, and go through them, and to listen to his music. It helps me feel close to him even though he is not here anymore. Plus I am learning! :-)

Anyways I found lots of interesting stuff





I am contemplating seeing if Matthews uncle wants to pick up the discussion me and George were having on Calvinism. We were emailing back and forth and then he just got too sick and weak to continue so the emails stopped. I dont know much about Calvinism, and Im not saying I want to be Calvinist but I am interested in learning about it just for knowledge sake.




Anyways, Trevor is at school, Matthew and Hannah are at the gym and i sit here with a lung infection wondering when I can get to the doctor and get this delt with. I dont know why I get this every year.

Postcards (Part 3 of 4)

www.newhopechurch.tv

Listening Guide Notes
“Postcard: 2 John”
Series: “Postcards”
(Part 3 of 4)



“I have much to write to you, but I do not want to use paper
and ink.” –2 John 12a (NIV)
(Not only was he an apostle but was a tight wad as well..........lol......out of the mouth of Pastor Tim........if he had something to say he would rather go to them and say it rather than writing it)



Lessons from 2 John…

1. Never let _____YOUR PAST_____stop God from doing new things in your future.



“And now, dear lady, I am not writing you a new command but
one we have had from the beginning. I ask that we love one
another.” –2 John 5 (NIV)

MARK 3:17 (got thunder nickname)
MARK 10:41(John doesnt get along well sometimes)


[54] “When the disciples James and John saw this, they asked,
‘Lord, do you want us to call fire down from heaven to destroy
them?’ [55] But Jesus turned and rebuked them.” –Luke 9:54-55 (NIV)

We all have things from our past that need to stay in our past......
We dont need to stay in our past though we need to move on..........
You dont have to stay the way you are, with Jesus your life can change.....you can become something you never dreamed you could become.......



2. _____STAY ON TRACK______in your faith.

[7] “Many deceivers, who do not acknowledge Jesus Christ as
coming in the flesh, have gone out into the world.(False teachers are denying that Jesus came from Heaven ....John 1:14)
Any such
person is the deceiver and the antichrist. [8] Watch out that you
do not lose what you have worked for, but that you may be
rewarded fully.” –2 John 7-8 (NIV)




How do you stay on track?

a._____BELIEVE IT_____________________:

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only
Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have
eternal life.” –John 3:16 (NIV)


b._______LIVE IT________________:

“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his
life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our
brothers.” –1 John 3:16 (NIV)

If you truly love it is going to cost you something.......sacrifice........



3. ____SUPPORT_______God’s work.

[10] “If anyone comes to you and does not bring this teaching,
do not take him into your house or welcome him. [11] Anyone
who welcomes him shares in his wicked work.” –2 John 10-11 (NIV)

Some Videos

Here is Matthew playing Holy Holy Holy at his dads funeral service.
I think he played the songs he played better than he ever has before.
He amazed me.......




And the best..... How Great Thou Art





Sharing time at the memorial......... it was the most special time getting to hear all the stories about George. It felt good but made me miss him more. It is so nice that everyone had such great fun/funny things to say though

WOW........What a week.

So we had planned to go to Kemah for the weekend. We were going to go Friday right after school.

Well I was up getting Trevor ready for school and Matthews sister called. She asked to speak to Matthew and I knew George was gone.

He passed away early that morning.


Sooooo instead of a nice weekend, we went to Kemah for one night and then went from there to the airport. Got to Delaware very late Saturday, spent Sunday and Monday with Matthews mom, Tuesday was the viewing, burial and memorial and then spent Wednesday with Matthews mom and flew out Thursday.

I am TIRED!!



The viewing was very difficult. This whole thing didnt feel real. It just felt like George was at work the whole time and then seeing him at the viewing hit me like a ton of bricks. I just cant believe he is gone. I am happy to know where he is but just cant believe he is gone.................

The memorial went really well.
Matthew played the best I have ever heard him play.......... he makes me so proud. I dont know if I could do anything at my dads funeral but cry. He did so good. He did his dad proud.



I just have to thank every single person that was praying for us. Every single thing went perfectly, we cried and it was hard but we feel peace. I still cry thinking about it, but I am so thankful to have known George. He was such an amazing man.

Turkey

Hannah won't let me take a picture of her when I want to but right when I am in the middle of a photo shoot with someone else she wants me to take her picture!!go figure. She is just a nut :-)
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Mario

Well Trevor is going to be Mario for Halloween but I think he is even cuter with a missing tooth!!

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Passing time

This is what Hannah gets to do while we wait in line to pick up Trevor. She is so darn cute!!

I usually draw or crochet while waiting. It really passes the time fast.

I love picking up Trevor. It forces me to have a little bit of down time to chill. I have KSBJ on the radio and get to worship in my car. Its fun :-)
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

IMG00491.jpg

My poor sad doggy hates to take a bath!

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Life

So Matthews dad is getting worse.

He had one breathing scare, coughing and choking and stuff. He also fell recently. I love George and he is just such an amazing person, I want nothing more for him than to get to be with Jesus and not have this suffering another day.



Matthews sister is pregnant.

She is 6 weeks along right now.

It is exciting! It is hard being in such a dark hard time with Matthews dad but this is new life!! This is giving Matthews mom something to be happy for.



And me..... I want to do something but I just dont know what it is yet and I dont know how to figure it out..... I have just been praying and am going to keep praying, though I know I need to put feet to it too........ I want to work with youth..... I dont know hwo or what. I dont know if it is something i need to get schooling for or what. I dont know how or where to start....... I want to mentor I think, be some kind of a mentor or something........ i dont know.





Trevor is still doing SUPEr in school and that makes me SOOOOOOOOOOOO happy! Hannah is still a sweet silly girl and she is learning a lot from Trevor.

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month

My Story of Loss
The Loss of our First Son



March 2004 Matthew and I lost someone very dear to our hearts. A very special child, who we hoped for, prayed for,
and had a longing desire for. We lost our son. I remember the day I found out I was pregnant. I was so excited, I just couldn’t
believe it!!! I didn’t know what to think. I was on cloud nine. God had finally answered our prayers.
Everything was going great, and I was feeling good, until I was about 9 weeks along. I started having some complications
and ended up being off work for a month. In that time we saw our son Ryley once a week at my doctor’s appointments.
We got to see him move and grow 1-2 times a week that whole month. It was the most amazing thing!!! He was so perfect.
It was great seeing him wiggle around; seeing and hearing his little heart beating. Those were the happiest 3 months of my
life despite the problems I was having. I would go through it all again. I was head over heels in love with him. The last doctor’s
appointment I had was March 3rd. We went in at 11am and we saw Ryley had grown so much since the last week. He was
asleep at first and then the doctor woke him up moving the u/s sensor around on my stomach. It was so cute. I was so assured
that everything was fine. The doctor told me she was 99% sure that the baby would be okay. I went home that day thinking
everything would be fine. Then, that night, I began having horrendous pains. Those pains are more commonly called labor
pains, and at that point I had begun to go into labor. Then, after two hours of excruciating pains, I had given birth to my now
lifeless baby boy. I was devastated, heartbroken, and empty. Looking at his perfect little face, all my hopes and dreams for him
were gone. I held my motionless baby in my hands and cried and cried.
Never once was I mad at God. I asked “why” thousands of times, but I was never mad at Him. I know that everything happens
for a reason, and I know that we can never try to understand the works of God.
Ecclesiastes 11:5 says: “As thou knowest not what is the way of the spirit, nor how the bones do grow in the womb of her
that is with child: even so thou knowest not the works of God who maketh all.” I may never know exactly why God chose
us for this to happen to, but in our sorrow He has blessed me with the opportunity to witness to and encourage other women
who are in the same situation. Romans 8:28 reads: “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God,
to them who are the called according to his purpose.“ Good has come out of this tragedy. I have strengthened my relationship
with the Lord so much and I am able to witness to and encourage other women. God is giving me peace and comfort daily. I joined
several message boards online where women share their stories and others can respond. I have shared my story with them and
made many new friends who I have been able to share my faith with and give some words of encouragement to. Many of these
women have lost all faith in God b/c they see Him as a loving God. They think that because they lost their child, God must not love
them. I tell them different. Some don’t want to hear it, but others are so thankful that I came into their life and helped them. Instead
of turning from God in this terrible time I have turned to Him more. If He wasn’t in my life I couldn’t be where I am today.
I can truly say He is my comfort and my strength. John 16:33: “These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have
peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” The Lord gives me peace; He
calms the storms in my life. I know that in His time He will bless us with a child again. No matter what happens in the future, I will
always praise the Lord. I will always wonder what my son would have been like. His personality, looks, mannerisms, voice, etc….
I will always have a space in my heart for my son. I will never forget him. I am a mother and Matthew is a father. We are parents
who lost our first child. Some people may not agree with that, but it is the truth. Whether it is from a miscarriage or still birth or
any other circumstance. A loss is a loss, and it hurts, but God is awesome. I don’t know what the songs called that I’m thinking of,
but it says “Gods grace changes everything and Gods mercy is all that we need. When were up, when were down, Gods arms
are wrapped around us.” The Lord has brought me through this tragedy and helped me to heal. I pray that He has done the
same for others who have lost children. Some people don’t understand that I lost my son though. Some think it was just a
miscarriage, a lost dream. Regardless of how far along I was or wasn’t, that was my son. I can’t speed up the grieving process.
I wish I could, but I can’t. I wish I could be fine right now. I think of Ryley everyday. I am moving on b/c I go on with life. I look to the
future, but I will never forget my son. I am at peace now because I don’t cry that much anymore. I can talk about Ryley and I have
such calmness in my heart. I don’t feel the turmoil that I felt before. I do still cry, but that is life. That’s what happens when you lose a child.
Isaiah 53:4a reads: “Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows,” Jesus understands my pain, but I don’t think
anyone can understand until they have experienced it. At first I didn’t want people’s sympathy, but when I didn’t get it I really felt
alone and abandoned. I felt like nobody cared except for the few people who offered me comfort. And I thank them so much for
that. If it wasn’t for those few people, I probably would have been scared to come back to this church. I realized that it doesn’t
matter who is or isn’t there for me. The Lord is with me always. In 1 Peter 5:7 it says, “Casting all your care upon him; for he
careth for you.” I know the Lord cares for me and is there for me. Romans 5:3-4 ~ ”And not only so, but we glory in tribulations
also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience; and experience, hope.” Matthew and I have been
through a lot and I am thankful for it all because we are much stronger. Losing our son has made us such stronger people. We
are more compassionate and understanding now. We really value life a lot more. We cherish every second the Lord gives us.
We are thankful for our lives, and all that we have gone through.

I Love You

My dad ALWAYS ends every phone conversation with "I Love You" or "Love You", never ever does he just say bye. It means so much to me every time he says it too! Those words are powerful ones.

When Matthew told me his dad hasn't said those words to him since he was a little kid my heart was sad for him. Really sad. We all know George loves his kids, and is a wonderful dad, but there is just something about hearing those words that warm the heart.

Last time Matthew went out to see his dad, he was really sick with the cancer, but still doing ok. Well when Matthew went to leave he said "I love you dad" and George said "Ok, see ya later" . And I know that has got to hurt a little bit on Matthews end.
Well he is flying home today from visiting his dad and he texted me and told me that his dad said "I Love You" to him. I had been praying that before George goes to see Jesus that he would say "I Love You" to Matthew. I prayed hard for it and I think God answered that prayer, i dont think it was some coincidence. George said "I love you kid" to Christina and she hadnt heard those words since she was little as well. It makes me cry a happy cry everytime I think about it.

So never take those three little words for granted, please.

updatey stuff

So, as I said, it hit me yesterday that George is doing so badly.

Today, my care group was so sweet! I Love Them!! It is just nice to be told that it is ok to cry. It is nice to be surrounded by such great people!
It is also nice to go to church, where there are 5,000 members, and to walk in the door and feel loved. To get hugs...... to get people asking how we are, how Matthew is and how George is..... to know that you can go to such a big church and it can still feel like a tight knit family is amazing.......

Driving home tonite there was a storm rolling in, black and dark, thunder and lightening. It was kinda how I have been feeling inside..... sad, mad (that someone so wonderful, has to go through hell) and just upset..... and then I turn to go home and I am driving in to blue skies..... ( i know things will get better.... sadness, anger will subside eventually) and i look to my right and there is the most fantastic sunset, with the sun rays bursting through the clouds, and God was just reminding me that He is walking right there with me, and Matthew and his family.... and the He will carry us....all of us....some day we may even find a purpose in all of this... we might be able to make sense of it all and if we cant we can rest in the fact that it is not the end.... Someday soon George will stop hurting, he will be with Jesus and we will see him again. It doesnt take the hurt away but it is comforting.

Darn!

So Matthew and Hannah left to Delaware today to see Matthews dad.

Trevor called George and told him Happy Birthday. He did not sound good on the phone.

It hasn't been REAL to me until today, that we are losing George. He will be going to be with Jesus sooner than we want.

Now I get all the statements, and know what I need to think and feel. "It is all in God's time", "God has a plan for it all", "Everyone has to die sometime (though this one is very rude)", " Be thankful he knows Jesus", and on and on and on. Why cant people say "It is ok to cry", "It is ok to be mad, Tell God that you are mad!!", and just let you feel like crap sometimes, not that i want to feel like crap but when your heart hurts, those fluffy saying dont help, you have to feel the hurt and work through it. You have to be able to cry and be mad and sad and irritated and everything, and get through those to really heal.

So as much as I love Jesus, and I know George loves Jesus and I know he will go to Heaven when he does pass on, it doesnt take the sadness away. The here and now sadness that he wont be here with us anymore.

I just cherish every day the Lord still lets George be with us and and thankful and honored to be his daughter-in-law because he is an amazing man of God, and his strength and courage and inspiring.

Youth

So I have always had this urge in the deep dark reaches of my heart to work with youth.

I have gone through so much crap in my life, divorced parents, fighting, drugs, alcohol, school problems, low self-esteem, and much much more. And I dont think that God let me go through those things for no reason, I think I need to use them to help other teens that are now going through what I went through.

It scares me though!

I am a very shy introverted person.
I am not good with words.
And I dont know where to start!!!!


God please give me direction!

Kids Books

So I decided I want to start keeping a log of the books we check out from the library and read.



Just a Bully by: Mercer Mayer

This book was good, but i dont think it really teaches kids how to handle bullies.



Little Badger, Terror of the Seven Seas by: Eve Bunting

This story was cute, great for little kids, showing them about using their imaginations



Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire by: Diane deGroat

This book was very good! Talks about telling the truth, and how telling the truth is far better than lying and trying to deny it



King Teddy by: Gabriele Kiefer

This book was very cute too, Hannahs favorite



The Quiet Little Farm by: Janet Kerr

This book was cute, the pictures are beautiful but I thought it was kind of boring.



In God's Hands by: Lawrence Kushner and Gary Schmidt

This book was amazing! A little bit too old for my kids 4 and 5 years old but it was a great book with a great message!

____________________________________________________________________


The giving Tree by Shel Silverstein

This book was kinda sad. The tree just gave and gave and the boy just took and took. I like that the tree had all the boy needed even when it was down to just a stump.

Catch Up

So Trevor is going on his second week of school being done.

I did not cry the first day, when we dropped him off. The only time I almost cried was when Hannah was so upset that her best friend was leaving her. She was soooo upset.

So at the school they have this paw system, you get 5 paws max for good behavior, following the rules and everything. Well he gets 5 paws everyday, which eases my mind a little bit. At least he is following the rules right ?!

He is learning a ton already.
If I say "What did you learn at school today?" all I get from him is "I dont know" so I have gotten creative in how I ask him things and he is finally talking more about what he is learning.

The first day of school he didnt eat his lunch at all. Not one thing.
Then all he was eating was the junk.
Now after a good talking to, he is eating most of his lunch. At least a sandwich, fruit and cheese or veggie.

He loves Mr. Hall his teacher, he thinks the world of him, it is so cute! Mr. Hall seems like a pretty cool guy, so I am really glad that Trevor got him as a teacher. I just wish they could have the same teacher forever!!






On another note, Matthew dad and sister should be here in 6 days! Pray that his dad is able to make the trip. I am very excited!

I am back to doing crochet. I am trying to find new and fun hats to make. It is giving me something to do with my time, and I really enjoy it! Hannah and Trevor love have new fun hats, and modeling them for me while I take pictures for my facebook page.

Lot's Wipeout

First of all, watch the service at www.newhopechurch.tv under the archived services, it will be the most recent one. I think they post it after Tuesday.

Life Lessons from Lot's wipeout
1) What you do in transition matters.
"You dont get in a car wreck or get a speeding ticket at home or at work, you get it in transition, from one place to the other"
Life can be tricky in the transitions

Genesis 13:7-11

2) Watch where you pitch your tents

Genesis 13:12-13

3) Make things right when you have a chance

Jude 7

Genesis 19:17-20
Genesis 19:30

4) Your decisions always effect others

Genesis 19:23-26

Luke 17:32


_________________________________________________________________

It was an excellent message! I hope everyone watches it. It is always nice to learn from others mistakes so that you dont have to do it yourself to learn from it.

Must blog soon!

Awesome!

Ok so I think my most favorite thing to do/place to be is on top of prayer mountain at church during sunset.
I love the sunset.
God is such an amazing artist, the sunset is never the same!
I just love sitting there, all I can hear is the breeze, marveling in God's creation....... He is AMAZING!
Anyways, I am in awe of my fantabulous wonderful sweet Jesus!

Toxic

http://www.lifechurch.tv/watch/toxic/1


I am watching www.lifechurch.tv the sermon series toxic. It is a real eye opener.

I am going to have to watch it again.

Boundries with Kids

We are doing this excellent study in Care Group. It is called Boundries with Kids.

Well it has been great so far. The videos are a little cheesy, but the points they make on childrearing are excellent.

One thing they said yesterday in the video was to make sure you children know, they can't always control their emotions but they can always control their behavior. So sure something makes them mad, it is ok to be mad, but it is not ok to hit right........ You know, some adults dont get that concept.
They think because this person did something that caused them to be upset that it is ok to hurt that person or someone else because they are upset.
My kids need to learn this lesson as well. We have been working hard at it.
It is tough to get.


I have been telling Trevor, when he gets mad and hits the wall, that it is ok to be mad and feel irritated, but it is not ok to hit the wall, you can use your words and talk about how your feeling, you dont have to show it with your body. He is starting to get it. The other day he growled and said IM MAD!! and walked off and that was the end of it. I would deem that a success.

Hannah Banana

Hannah always says the weirdest things!!


Hannah said today that her tooth is going to fall out and that she is going to then grow into an adult tooth fairy and she wont freak out when she has to fly!!

I Love Her!

Perspective

I have been feeling lousy the last few weeks. I mean lousy!!
But life goes on, I still have to cook and clean and care for the kids and do everything like normal. I start to get whiney and resentful.

Then I remember that I am just having allergy stuff. Dizzy and sore throat, all the stuff I have right now is nothing in comparison with what some people i love are going through right now. I am not battling cancer, fighting for custody of my kids, being addicted to drugs, being homeless...... my life could be worse and how I feel physically could be worse.

So I have this no whining philosophy to life now.
There is always someone worse off than me, and what good does whining do anyways? Does it fix or change anything?? NO!!! IT just irritates people!

The Christian Atheist

So I am starting this book called "The Christian Atheist" by Craig Greoschel. "Believing in God but Living as If He Doesn't Exist" is the tag line. It is a superb book!

One chapter in the book that has been such a struggle for so many years with me was, "When you believe in God but don't really know Him." For so long that was me. Until recently. I know a lot of loved ones are now in the same boat and I pray hard for them. "Belief isn't the same as personal knowledge" is one of the statement in the book. Knowing about a person and really knowing them are soooo different and it is that way with God too. "Even the demons believe in God, there is more to the whole christian thing than just believing in God."

Some other chapters I am getting in to are

When you believe in God but are ashamed of your past

When you believe in God but arent sure He loves you

When you believe in God but not in prayer

When you believe in God but dont think He is fair

When you believe in God but wont forgive

When you believe in God but dont think you can change

When you believe in God but still worry all the time

When you believe in God but pursue happiness at any cost

When you believe in God but trust more in money

When you believe in God but dont share your faith

When you believe in God but not in His church





So as you can see, this book is deep. It is so easy to read and understand though. It is straightforward and will likely hurt a bit when you read it but hopefully it will transform your life!! It is quite the eye opener so far. I hope to have more to add as i keep reading.

My Kid (one of them)

So Trevor is a nut! I love him. He knows what he likes and he goes for it! He wears what he likes, he is himself all the time. I just pray that he never loses that confident sense of self. I pray that he never conforms to this world. I pray that he never sacrifices him, to be like everyone else. I pray that he does well this first year of school and every year after. I pray that he has friends and gets good grades, that he learns and grows. I pray that he loves school and learning.

Free!!

Ok so the kids are in swimming lessons at the gym.

The first day, they hated it.

The second day they got a little better, and today they did AWESOME!!

I was watching them so closely when they were jumping in to the pool. They were scared at first. I mean, leaping into the arms of a perfect stranger in a pool of water is a big thing. Even leaping to me who they know was scary.

The cool thing for me was when that thing finally clicked in their head and they jumped and LOVED it!! They felt free and fun! Well thats how I feel in Christ. I was a little timid at first. I didnt know thing whole "God thing" was something I could jump in to. I hesitated often, I tested the waters a bit and then I finally jumped with both feet into the pool. I feel in Christ like my kids felt jumping into the pool. So excited and free, yet safe and secure knowing someone is there to catch you.

I Love You!

Say it loud and say it proud!

Not just to your spouse, but if you love someone, let them know. Say "I Love You", or "Love Ya" or anything like that. I think it means so much to hear the words.

Sure, you can say i love you with your actions, you can hug, you can provide for, take care of, and whatnot but it means more than you would ever know to hear it said.

If you are a man, do not EVER think it is not manly to say I love you to your son, or daughter for that matter. Saying I love you to your kids is so important. No matter how old they are. I am 25 and my dad says I love you to me every single phone conversation we have. It means a lot. Something about the dad and kids that is special, so to hear I love you from daddy means a lot.

If you were brought up not saying it, BREAK THE CYCLE!! Dont keep that going....make it stop with you. Tell your kids you love them all the time. Tell everyone you love that you love them, often.

Please!

I hate cancer. I think it is the most horrible thing in the world. I hate that anyone gets it but especially people I love.It breaks my heart to see them suffer

Life's What You Make It!

I have been through some things in my life.

I had some difficulties growing up, I was into drugs and alcohol, and other bad things, I lost my first son to a miscarriage, I have lost loved ones, I have been in bad church sitations, I have had conflicts and tough times in so so so many areas.


And I have made the choice to rise above those situations.

I think everyone has two choices.

Rise above the circumstance, be the bigger person, or break the cycle of family abuse, or whatever it may be, rise above!! -OR- Use whatever circumstance you are in as a cop-out to do nothing. Use it as a way to get attention, and eventually you get so used to always having problems, that you dont want to be normal.

I dont know.......

I have encountered too many people that always seem to have one issue after another. Someone always hurts and wrongs them, they are always the victim, they never do anything wrong and the world owes them

Well I just think we choose how we respond to everything in life. We may not get to choose our circumstances but we do get to choose how we react.

No one can "make us mad". People can be mean to us but we choose to get mad, they dont make us get mad. No one can make us feel or do anything, we have the choice. Even when we feel like there is no way out, or there is no choice, there is!! It is hard, it is never easy but we always have a choice.

Next time you open your mouth to complain, try to remember(like i try to) that there is ALWAYS someone else in this world that is in a far worse situation and I bet you they are not whining and complaining about it.

Be content and be thankful for what you have and where you are at and God will bless You with more and better!

I love all my whiney friends and family but I just wish everyone would think a bit before they peak (myself included for sure)

Second Chances

Thank You God for second chances, Thank You for not giving up on me
Thank You for this revelation, for helping me see
Being a "Christian" doesnt mean a whole lot, unless followed by a relationship with You
Believing in You and knowing You are so different
But I "got it" and now I'm made new.
My faith isnt about condemning and judging
My faith isnt about rules and traditions
My faith is about love and admissions
Admitting that I am awful and need You
Admitting that I mess up every day
Admitting that I cant do life without You
And that there is no other way

I love You Jesus
Yes i do
Thank You Jesus
For making my heart new

I said I Love You before
But I didnt feel it
Didnt know it was real
But it is now
Without a doubt
I just want to scream and shout
That You are my savior
And I love You more than life itself!

We Did It!

So we went to church last night and Ben was leading. We did this song called "Glow" by Hillsong,






Just so you can hear it, i love Hillsong, so I am always happy when we do them. ANYWAYS..............Then I look up and see my favorite drummer, which made my day, he is Amazing!! I am a huge fan. lol.






Then the message was amazing, it put a lump in my throat the whole time. It was one that was exactly what I needed to hear. Pastor Tim always seems to do that. I love it. I will post a link this week when the service is archived online, you will have to watch it.

Then we got baptized!

Hats! Too many hobbies!

Ok, so I started to crochet, and then got sick of it, took up making bows and got sick of that, so I took up sewing, and got sick of that. Now I am back to crochet. It works out really well, when I get bored with one craft I can move on to the next.

I am now trying to work up some animal hats in various sizes to get stockpiled for the fall when people want to start buying them up again.

I am torn about taking custom orders or just crochetting hats and selling what I have made.

Anyways........

I Love My Husband

I am just so thankful for Matthew.

God knew what he was doing when He blessed me with Matthew.

Over the course of our marriage, Matthew has helped give me a backbone!
He helped me realize that I am smart, that I have talents, that I am a good and decent person. He helped me realize that I can stand up for myself, and speak up more than I did.

Matthew has helped me and been with me through good and bad times and he is my best friend. I thank God for Matthew EVERY single day. He is an amazing husband, father and friend.

I have loved every second of my marriage and look forward to every second God gives us together in the future.

Found some interesting information on the hospice website

http://www.hospicenet.org/html/preparing_for.html


Preparing for Approaching Death

When a person enters the final stage of the dying process, two different dynamics are at work which are closely interrelated and interdependent. On the physical plane, the body begins the final process of shutting down, which will end when all the physical systems cease to function. Usually this is an orderly and undramatic progressive series of physical changes which are not medical emergencies requiring invasive interventions. These physical changes are a normal, natural way in which the body prepares itself to stop, and the most appropriate kinds of responses are comfort enhancing measures.

The other dynamic of the dying process at work is on the emotional-spiritual-mental plane, and is a different kind of process. The spirit of the dying person begins the final process of release from the body, its immediate environment, and all attachments. This release also tends to follow its own priorities, which may include the resolution of whatever is unfinished of a practical nature and reception of permission to “let go” from family members. These events are the normal, natural way in which the spirit prepares to move from this existence into the next dimension of life. The most appropriate kinds of responses to the emotional-spiritual-mental changes are those which support and encourage this release and transition.

When a person’s body is ready and wanting to stop, but the person is still unresolved or unreconciled over some important issue or with some significant relationship, he or she may tend to linger in order to finish whatever needs finishing even though he or she may be uncomfortable or debilitated. On the other hand, when a person is emotionally-spiritually-mentally resolved and ready for this release, but his or her body has not completed its final physical shut down, the person will continue to live until that shut down process ceases.

The experience we call death occurs when the body completes its natural process of shutting down, and when the spirit completes its natural process of reconciling and finishing. These two processes need to happen in a way appropriate and unique to the values, beliefs, and lifestyle of the dying person.

Therefore, as you seek to prepare yourself as this event approaches, the members of your Hospice care team want you to know what to expect and how to respond in ways that will help your loved one accomplish this transition with support, understanding, and ease. This is the great gift of love you have to offer your loved one as this moment approaches.

The emotional-spiritual-mental and physical signs and symptoms of impending death which follow are offered to help you understand the natural kinds of things which may happen and how you can respond appropriately. Not all these signs and symptoms will occur with every person, nor will they occur in this particular sequence. Each person is unique and needs to do things in his or her own way. This is not the time to try to change your loved one, but the time to give full acceptance, support, and comfort.

The following signs and symptoms described are indicative of how the body prepares itself for the final stage of life.

Coolness
The person´s hands and arms, feet and then legs may be increasingly cool to the touch, and at the same time the color of the skin may change. This a normal indication that the circulation of blood is decreasing to the body’s extremities and being reserved for the most vital organs. Keep the person warm with a blanket, but do not use one that is electric.

Sleeping
The person may spend an increasing amount of time sleeping, and appear to be uncommunicative or unresponsive and at times be difficult to arouse. This normal change is due in part to changes in the metabolism of the body. Sit with your loved one, hold his or her hand, but do not shake it or speak loudly. Speak softly and naturally. Plan to spend time with your loved one during those times when he or she seems most alert or awake. Do not talk about the person in the person’s presence. Speak to him or her directly as you normally would, even though there may be no response. Never assume the person cannot hear; hearing is the last of the senses to be lost.

Disorientation
The person may seem to be confused about the time, place, and identity of people surrounding him or her including close and familiar people. This is also due in part to the metabolism changes. Identify yourself by name before you speak rather than to ask the person to guess who you are. Speak softly, clearly, and truthfully when you need to communicate something important for the patient’s comfort, such as, It is time to take your medication, and explain the reason for the communication, such as, so you won’t begin to hurt. Do not use this method to try to manipulate the patient to meet your needs.

Incontinence
The person may lose control of urine and/or bowel matter as the muscles in that area begin to relax. Discuss with your Hospice nurse what can be done to protect the bed and keep your loved one clean and comfortable.

Congestion
The person may have gurgling sounds coming from his or her chest as though marbles were rolling around inside these sounds may become very loud. This normal change is due to the decrease of fluid intake and an inability to cough up normal secretions. Suctioning usually only increases the secretions and causes sharp discomfort. Gently turn the person s head to the side and allow gravity to drain the secretions. You may also gently wipe the mouth with a moist cloth. The sound of the congestion does not indicate the onset of severe or new pain.

Restlessness
The person may make restless and repetitive motions such as pulling at bed linen or clothing. This often happens and is due in part to the decrease in oxygen circulation to the brain and to metabolism changes. Do not interfere with or try to restrain such motions. To have a calming effect, speak in a quiet, natural way, lightly massage the forehead, read to the person, or play some soothing music.

Urine Decrease
The person´s urine output normally decreases and may become tea colored referred to as concentrated urine. This is due to the decreased fluid intake as well as decrease in circulation through the kidneys. Consult with your Hospice nurse to determine whether there may be a need to insert or irrigate a catheter.

Fluid and Food Decrease
The person may have a decrease in appetite and thirst, wanting little or no food or fluid. The body will naturally begin to conserve energy which is expended on these tasks. Do not try to force food or drink into the person, or try to use guilt to manipulate them into eating or drinking something. To do this only makes the person much more uncomfortable. Small chips of ice, frozen Gatorade or juice may be refreshing in the mouth. If the person is able to swallow, fluids may be given in small amounts by syringe (ask the Hospice nurse for guidance). Glycerin swabs may help keep the mouth and lips moist and comfortable. A cool, moist washcloth on the forehead may also increase physical comfort.

Breathing Pattern Change
The person s regular breathing pattern may change with the onset of a different breathing pace. A particular pattern consists of breathing irregularly, i.e., shallow breaths with periods of no breathing of five to thirty seconds and up to a full minute. This is called Cheyne-Stokes breathing. The person may also experience periods of rapid shallow pant-like breathing. These patterns are very common and indicate decrease in circulation in the internal organs. Elevating the head, and/or turning the person onto his or her side may bring comfort. Hold your loved one’s hand. Speak gently.

Normal Emotional, Spiritual, and Mental Signs and Symptoms with Appropriate Responses

Withdrawal
The person may seem unresponsive, withdrawn, or in a comatose-like state. This indicates preparation for release, a detaching from surroundings and relationships, and a beginning of letting go. Since hearing remains all the way to the end, speak to your loved one in your normal tone of voice, identifying yourself by name when you speak, hold his or her hand, and say whatever you need to say that will help the person let go.

Vision-like Experiences
The person may speak or claim to have spoken to persons who have already died, or to see or have seen places not presently accessible or visible to you. This does not indicate an hallucination or a drug reaction. The person is beginning to detach from this life and is being prepared for the transition so it will not be frightening. Do not contradict, explain away, belittle or argue about what the person claims to have seen or heard. Just because you cannot see or hear it does not mean it is not real to your loved one. Affirm his or her experience. They are normal and common. If they frighten your loved one, explain that they are normal occurrences.

Restlessness
The person may perform repetitive and restless tasks. This may in part indicate that something still unresolved or unfinished is disturbing him or her, and prevents him or her from letting go. Your Hospice team members will assist you in identifying what may be happening, and help you find ways to help the person find release from the tension or fear. Other things which may be helpful in calming the person are to recall a favorite place the person enjoyed, a favorite experience, read something comforting, play music, and give assurance that it is OK to let go.

Fluid and Food Decrease
When the person may want little or no fluid or food, this may indicate readiness for the final shut down. Do not try to force food or fluid. You may help your loved one by giving permission to let go whenever he or she is ready. At the same time affirm the person s ongoing value to you and the good you will carry forward into your life that you received from him or her.

Decreased Socialization
The person may only want to be with a very few or even just one person. This is a sign of preparation for release and affirms from whom the support is most needed in order to make the appropriate transition. If you are not part of this inner circle at the end, it does not mean you are not loved or are unimportant. It means you have already fulfilled your task with your loved one, and it is the time for you to say Good-bye. If you are part of the final inner circle of support, the person needs your affirmation, support, and permission.

Unusual Communication
The person may make a seemingly out of character or non sequitur statement, gesture, or request. This indicates that he or she is ready to say Good-bye and is testing you to see if you are ready to let him or her go. Accept the moment as a beautiful gift when it is offered. Kiss, hug, hold, cry, and say whatever you most need to say.

Giving Permission
Giving permission to your loved one to let go, without making him or her guilty for leaving or trying to keep him or her with you to meet your own needs, can be difficult. A dying person will normally try to hold on, even though it brings prolonged discomfort, in order to be sure those who are going to be left behind will be all right. Therefore, your ability to release the dying person from this concern and give him or her assurance that it is all right to let go whenever he or she is ready is one of the greatest gifts you have to give your loved one at this time.

Saying Good-bye
When the person is ready to die and you are able to let go, then is the time to say good-bye. Saying good-bye is your final gift of love to your loved one, for it achieves closure and makes the final release possible. It may be helpful to lay in bed and hold the person, or to take his or her hand and then say everything you need to say.

It may be as simple as saying, I love you. It may include recounting favorite memories, places, and activities you shared. It may include saying, I ’m sorry for whatever I contributed to any tension or difficulties in our relationship. It may also include saying, Thank you for...

Tears are a normal and natural part of saying good-bye. Tears do not need to be hidden from your loved one or apologized for. Tears express your love and help you to let go.

How Will You Know When Death Has Occurred?
Although you may be prepared for the death process, you may not be prepared for the actual death moment. It may be helpful for you and your family to think about and discuss what you would do if you were the one present at the death moment. The death of a hospice patient is not an emergency. Nothing must be done immediately.

The signs of death include such things as no breathing, no heartbeat, release of bowel and bladder, no response, eyelids slightly open, pupils enlarged, eyes fixed on a certain spot, no blinking, jaw relaxed and mouth slightly open. A hospice nurse will come to assist you if needed or desired. If not, phone support is available.

The body does not have to be moved until you are ready. If the family wants to assist in preparing the body by bathing or dressing, that may be done. Call the funeral home when you are ready to have the body moved, and identify the person as a Hospice patient. The police do not need to be called. The Hospice nurse will notify the physician.


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It is so interesting to me, with everyone I have talked to about losing their spouse, they all went through these things. Everyone goes through the same type of stages upon passing.

:-)

One week until we get baptized!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so excited!

I can't say it enough :-)

I am so thankful for New Hope Church, because now I LOVE Jesus, Christianity is not complicated, and I have changed so much in my life and viewpoints for the better....... I am a better person now and I love it and am beyond thankful!

I Hate Cancer

That is basically it.
I hate cancer, I hate even hearing the word.

I automatically think the worst with cancer, it just scares me.

My grandpa had cancer, he battled it for a while, then it started spreading to his bladder, he went to have that removed and never made it out of the hospital. It was one of the most horrible expierence of my life. He was such an amazing man of God, I miss him, he was instrumental in my knowing Jesus.



Well now Matthew's dad has pancreatic cancer. It is in his pancreas, liver, and other places, he is getting fluid in his lungs and stomach now. It makes me so sad, but also so proud to call him my father in law. He is fighting this horrible disease tooth and nail. He is coming up on a year since his diagnosis, most people with that cancer dont live this long. He is living and working still. He is a proud, stubborn, strong, courageous man. I admire and respect him so much.


When you are having a hard time with anything in life, health, money, family, whatever it is, just be like Matthews dad. Rise above the situation, fight until you dont have any fight left in you, and just never give up. Dont succomb to becoming another statistic, God is not a God of statistics, with Him you can conquer and get through anything.

Wow!

I just recently found some old journals from when I was depressed and addicted to drugs. They were very sad writings, poems and thoughts.
At a few points in my life I didn't care if I were to live or die, I felt no one cared, so it wouldnt make a difference.
Then there was a small glimmer of hope.

I worked at a tv station in Longview, and my boss John was instrumental in me changing my life. He cared. It was that simple. He just cared. He checked in at the school about how my grades were doing, he pushed me to always do better, and he told me he is always there for me if I ever needed to talk or anything. I felt at one time, I was worthless, but from him it slowly started changing.

I was still on the drugs and things but that glimmer of hope began to grow and eventually told my pastor about my drug problems, and from then on, by God's grace only, I was freed from drugs. I never touched it again.

There started my journey in my faith, and here I am now 8 years later going to be getting baptized soon and loving Jesus now more than ever before.

Again, I find it amazing how one man (or woman) can make such a huge mark on a persons life. I have a few people in my life like that, two for now are my grandpa (in my previous blog) and John. I thank God for them everyday still because I wouldnt be where I am and who I am if they didnt reach out to me and extend a hand of love.

Now on to me, thinking what they did for me, I need to think of how I can extend that hand to others and make this kind of a difference in someone else's life.

Church Online!

New Hope was the first church where I heard church online before.
I think it is AMAZING!

It is great for those that just cant get out, those with sick kids, those that love the church but have moved, there is so many reasons church online is amazing!

I watch it every week that I dont get to make it.

All you do is at 9:30am or 11am cst go to the website http://www.newhopechurch.tv and click the watch button at the bottom right corner of the screen. It will open you up a new window and you can watch! If you want to go more, you can log in and chat with other church onliners! How cool is that!!

So if you dont go to church, or didnt make it today, go check it out!! What have you got to lose? You can always just close it if you totally hate it right? So try!! You wont be disappointed!!

Running/Jogging

So I am TRYING to start jogging. I am always scared to set myself up for failure, and i dont like to let myself down, so I usually dont do a lot.

I have, for the last 2 days, done only 10 minutes on the treadmill but for about half of that I was able to jog. I am WAY out of shape so this is huge for me. I really need to find an accountability friend to keep me on track.

My goal is to be able to jog/run a 5k. I dont have a time limit, and I dont know if my asthma will cooperate, but that is my goal.

Interesting how much I have changed

This is just one example of how my views have changed.

When we were going to a baptist church here in town, these homeless people came to church, dirty clothes, not smelling nice, and what did I do.....I turned my nose up at them. I instantly said oh they must want a hand out. I was judgemental terribly. It makes me so upset thinking about it now. I was like that with a lot of people and a lot of things. I was leglaistic and very condemning. It wasnt any one church, but a culmination of things that got my view this way.

Coming to my new church, my views have made a 180 degree change.

Funny how God works, those homeless people I was judemental on are now my friends! I know them by name, chat with them often and help them as much as possible.
They are good people who know and love Jesus, they have a positive attitude despite their situation and they are just friendly sweet people. I would have never taken the time to get to know them or even talk to them before and would have missed out on a great blessing of knowing such nice people.

God looks at the heart and we should too, it is easy to judge people on their out appearance, but we have to get past that and get to know them as people. You may think they arent clean enough, or skinny enough, or smell nice enough or whatever, but those things dont matter, and those things dont make them who they are. What is inside makes them who they are.

I know in my life i have missed out on knowing a lot of great people all because I was judgemental. I was a jerk. Praise God He has changed me, I just feel like such a new person in Him and I am loving it every day!

Where is the line

I am wondering where you draw the line. Doing what you think is right, not compromising what you believe, or compromising your values and what you believe so not to offend family members.......... what is more important...... It is interesting.

One man

I was thinking last night, actually praising Jesus for finally falling in love with him. Anyways My mind went back to my grandpa.
My grandpa was an amazing man. He lived a great life, he loved Jesus, he loved his family and his church, he wasn't legalistic, he just had a love for Jesus that shined out of him. My grandpa had over 20 grandkids, and he reached out and tried to bring all of them to church, he shared his faith and he planted seeds in all of us. That brought him joy, and I am sure all he could hope was someday those seeds he planted would grow into a love for Jesus.
If it wasn't for my grandpa I would not be at this point in my life today, it is all because my grandpa planted that seed in me, by his words and by his actions. He didnt get to see his efforts come to fruition, but I dont think he worried about that, he knew that he did his part and God would do the rest. and God did!!

Ok I am not a good writer but my point for this is that God can use just one willing man or woman to change a life, to change many lives. You CAN make a difference, and if you make a difference in just one persons life, your efforts were worth it! If you love Jesus, you need to let people know! Show it in your actions, but I think more important, your words. You never know who may come to know Him due to you sharing your faith.

Joy Joy Joy Joy Down in My Heart!

I can NOT stop SMILING!!!!!!!!!!

I am so happy/overjoyed/excited to be getting baptized!

I was worried at first about what people would think knowing I was baptized before, but I got past that fast!
It doesn't matter what people think!

Before New Hope Church, all I had by way of Jesus and religion was the religion part. I thought I had Jesus but I had legalism!


The first day that I walked in to New Hope I was a little bit nervous.
It was SO Huge!!
I get a lot of anxiety in new situations, so just going was big.
We walked up to the doors and greeters opened them and gave us a nice handshake and hello, we walked in and I am sure looked lost, and someone directed us to where and how to check the kids in and someone showed us where to take them. It put me at ease that people were so helpful and friendly.

Then the service just blew me away!
The music was so exciting and you can tell that the leaders really worship up there and it is not just showy. They have some amazing talent and use it for God's glory.

Guess what, the pastor preaches in JEANS!!!!!!!! And you can bring your pizza (from the cafe) in to the auditorium! Gasp! That is unheard of in all the churches I have ever gone to! So this church was unlike any I have ever attended.

Once we heard the message, I knew this was where I wanted to be. The pastor makes it all so simple. Christianity is not complicated. Jesus is not complicated like I once thought it was, and all the legalism I once adhered to, I soon learned was garbage. You know what matters, Jesus, thats it. Not the man made rules that so many churches treat like gospel.

Anyways, we soon joined New Hope. We fell in love with the church, the people, and most important for me was that I finally after years of thinking and trying fell in love with Jesus!!!!!! I can not stop smiling now because this is finally genuine and real. It is something I have wanted for so long but never knew how to get it.

I could go on FOREVER about the great thing with my church, it is amazing and I think that New Hope helped restore my faith...... I thank God Daily for my church.

So after all I have gone through I am getting baptized at New Hope July 24th, I have done it once but this time I am doing it right, with the right intentions, the right heart and the right mindset. Washing all the legalism away and starting fresh with Jesus!!

My Day

SO I had a GREAT lesson in using coupons today! My kids have been good!! Things were great. I got the kids all packed up and all my book in the car and am all sweaty and my car wont start!!!!!!!!!!! I think the battery is dead or something. It was just fine this morning going to Lake Jackson and now it doesn't work. I am irritated but I guess that is fine. Hopefully my books aren't late!

Getting a lesson in couponing in the morning! I am excited to start saving $$. Its always exciting getting stuff for free or nearly free. Will be documenting it

Excited!

I hear of people couponing ALL the time and saving LOADS of money!! I want to do that! Well Matthews friend gave us a ton of stuff, toiletries and things she got for FREE couponing, so I am going over there tomorrow to learn. I am stoked! I love getting free and cheap stuff and I cant wait to share my new found knowledge with everyone else!
I mean we got razors, shave gel, deoderant, shampoo, body wash, and just allllll kinds of stuff! How cool! More info coming soon :-)

I swear my kids think I am the only one they can ask for thing or to do things for them! I have to remind them daddy is right there willing to help!!

Yes We Are

Matthew and I are getting baptized!

We have both done it before, but for me, my relationship with Jesus did not really start until we came to New Hope Church.
I had head knowledge, I believed, but did not develope that relationship with Jesus until now. We have been at New Hope for a year and it has been the most amazing year ever! So much growth in change in my life and mine and Matthews marriage.

So I know I will have people ask me why I am getting baptized again, and it is simple, my relationship with Jesus finally happened...... i moved past the head knowledge and got out of a lot of legalistic mindsets, got to the root of it all, and that is Jesus...... that is where I am staying, it is the best and only place to be, so I am excitedly getting baptized July 24th!

Best place to blog?

I had my own website for a blog, and I didnt update like I wanted to, I tried word press and it confused me big time, so now I am trying blogger here and hopefully it works out for me!!