Oh How People Change.

I sat here the last few hours reflecting back on my life.

After going to a funeral of a young man, i really got to thinking about life. Got me thinking about depression, and drugs and parties and suicide.

I remember when I was a stupid teenager. I was doing drugs, parties, stealing, lying, and on and on. BUT I was also going to church, and singing in the choir and having good christian friends and going to youth group. I was living a double life at 15. Before that I was just bad. It all started at like age 12. Crazy I know.

Anyways. I was addicted. To many things. I got in a DEEP depression. No one saw it though, and if they saw it, they did not care. No one cared. I never told anyone before but I even wrote a suicide note........ I saw no point to living. I dont think I would have done it, but life was hopeless and pointless.

I was stuck in this crowded room and felt alone. I know people say that all the time but it was so true for me then. I had no real friends, and really thought no one cared.

Life sucked.

Then, I have typed this before but it is honestly the turning point in my life, my boss at KLTV reached out to me. I was dragging in everyday, I was moody and mean and sad and grumpy. Everyone steered clear of me or poked fun at me. John reached out to me. I dont think he will ever know how much it genuinely means to me even now that he did that. I dont know where i would be if he hadnt. He simply said that it seems i am depressed and having a hard time and that his door is open if i ever needed to talk. And the look in his eyes was genuine and very sincere. I knew he cared. Someone in the world cared!! about me! He kept tabs on me, checked on my grades and school work, talked with me, maybe even prayed for me. I still get teary thinking about that day. Never will I forget it.

My whole point is, that if you are depressed and struggling, and you even have a thought of suicide..... even if you think you would never do it......TALK TO SOMEONE!!! Please please please. I didnt and I thank God daily that someone reached out to me. It doesnt always happen that way.

AND to you people..... if you have someone in your life that is showing signs of depression, reach out to them..... even if someone is NOT showing signs of depression, reach out to people, let everyone around you know that you care about them. Love people. Smile at people. Be there if someone needs to talk or needs a friend.

Sometimes people will end their life, and it kicks the feet out of everyone that loved them. No one will have seen it coming...... No matter how much you loved and reached out. Then you just have to seek God. He can and will heal your heart. The empty hole will always be there but the pain will fade. God is always faithful and always gracious.

Seek God in everything. I thank God daily for my life and where I am now and I REALLY want to use where I have been to help others. Pray for me, that I can find out where I am supposed to be doing that...... I have no clue but I know beyond a shodaw of a doubt that I am supposed to be helping people.